I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am midnight drunk by noon
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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