So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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