Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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