No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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