it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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