Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
