Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize