I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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