dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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