I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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