Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
