ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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