We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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