They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
