ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
