I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
