My liver just broke up with me...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
