My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
