3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
