Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
