wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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