This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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