So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
