just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize