I seem to have left my pride at pride
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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