just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
