i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
