You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
