I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They should really pass out barf bags in church
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
