So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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