i need an iv and a liver transplant
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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