after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
should my penis look like a turkey
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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