I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
