We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
