Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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