i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So many bounce houses so little time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
