recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
