It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
