I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
