When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
