Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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