Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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