that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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