He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
