I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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