you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
