I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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