I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
