god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
