I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
