i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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