Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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