you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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