Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
