There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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