Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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