I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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