I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
