dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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