billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
