1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This is not my ceiling
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone came in the potted fern
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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