If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
soo... how was my night?
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