Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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